Asperchu

Asperchu (Born 1991) is an Electric/Asperger's-type Hedgehog Pokémon and is the star of the incredibly famous Asperchu Comic. His comic book details his various (mis)adventures throughout his hometown of Albville, Minnesota, in his quest for a sweetheart along with his friends Jivin, Max and sometimes Sonichu. He lives with Grandpa Alzheichu and Grandma Snorlax in their Albville home.

Character
Asperchu is an often misunderstood individual. For a number of reasons he often does things that most people would not generally consider acceptable in society. Things such as sleeping through a funeral, eating food meant for homeless people in a soup hotel and using the McDonald's tragedy as validation of his powers. He doesn't mean any harm to people when he does these things (Except to people who he believes to have wronged him) and simply does not understand sometimes why people get upset. His long time friends like Jivin and Max know this, and so try to explain his behavior to those unaccustomed to him, such as when Max tried to explain Asperchu to Kendra in Issue 0A. Other than this he does seem to be a well meaning individual. At his heart he only really wants a loving companion and to be happy in life. He is also a multitalented individual; Displaying such skills as playing Xbox 360 games such as Guitar Hero, Building K'nex, Youtube filmography and other artistic endeavors. He is also a master of disguise.

Ancestry
Asperchu claims to be a descendant of famed author and civil rights activist W.E.B. Dubois, though according to his version of history, he was an Austrian farmer who was told by GodJesus to go to the new world to fight in the Civil War of 1843 and found the Dakotian tribe. Asperchu revealed this during the Godstar challenge against John as his entry for his "favorite parable". Several people, including Sitting Chu, do not entirely agree with Asperchu's account of his history, especially since 1) Du Bois was born 25 years after the "civil war of 1843", 2) He was an African-American born in the U.S., and 3) While there are several Dakota tribes, none are called the "Dakotian Tribe", nor did Du Bois have anything to do with them.

Pre-Comic
Asperchu was born with Asperger's Syndrome, which caused a lot of problems for him. Each day in class, Asperchu would often fall asleep due to how boring the teacher was, often dreaming of his aspiration to find a sweetheart and raise a daughter. He finds himself head over heels all the time and would do anything to prove that he is an honest and true gentleman to those who doubt it.

In Asperchu
Asperchu is first introduced on the first page of Issue 0, as you might expect, having a dream. He awakens to find class over. His friends Max and Jivin ask him about his dreams. He reveals that he was dreaming of a girl he likes, named Lisa, who also attends the Normandale. Max and Jivin quite literally kick him into action, and in doing so, help Asperchu get his first date. However, Lisa turned out to be a SLANDEROUS TROLL who sent her friend Heaven in her place, as part of a plan to steal his Asperchu Medallion. She succeeded. However, Asperchu and his friend Sonichu went to do battle with the villainous Lisa. While knocked out, Asperchu received inspiration from his future daughter, Asperia, and summoning all his might, he blasted Lisa over the horizon with his Anshuent Powers. Despite his efforts, however, he recovered neither the medallion or the tape of him and Heaven that Lisa was planing to blackmail him with.

In Issue 0A, Asperchu creates a video over Youtube, trying to present his case to the internet. However, on the other side of America, a religious man by the name of John, and his wife Kendra, see the video. Thinking what he was doing to be sacrilegious, John tries to enlighten Asperchu over youtube under the name GJ Radar. Asperchu reacts strongly to the questioning of his religious beliefs, eventually making another video telling of how GodJesus personally supports him in this argument. John then packs up and he and his wife go to Minnesota to confront Asperchu personally. Upon seeing him wearing a Christian Cross, Asperchu mistakes it for another type of medallion. Being slightly naive, he thinks that it is an unholy symbol that performs the same actions as his old medallion, whereas his medallion is the supposed true symbol of GodJesus. Asperchu then challenges him to a contest of faith. Asperchu unfortunately loses by technicalities. He then takes his cross and uses it to activate a Jesus powered variation of the Asper-Ha-Me-Ha called the Jee-Sus-Ha-Me-Ha. He attempts to defeat John using it but accidentally hits Kendra instead. In a rage, John attacks Asperchu and knocks him to the floor. Asperchu is then informed of a Guitar Hero contest going on at the Brass Dragon and decides to enter it.

Issue 0B focuses on Asperchu's efforts to win the Guitar Hero challenge and win the heart of Dixie Chu. After a long period of training, he goes to the Brass Dragon and meets Dixie for the first time, immediately falling for her. He then meets his rival (in both love and Guitar Hero) Jonas, who takes Dixie away. Asperchu then makes a plan to disguise himself as Jonas and declare over Youtube that he cheated. He would then be able to use the disguise to become closer to Dix and also win the contest, by taking out the strongest competitor. Unfortunately, this plan backfired when the real Jonas was kidnapped by Dino Dash. Seeing through the disguise on the Youtube video, Dix assumes that Asperchu had kidnapped Jonas. The two fake Jonases then competed in the contest, with Dino Dash's Jonas coming out on top. Asperchu interpreted this as simply 'Jonas wins' and declared that since he was Jonas, he had won. Neither Dino nor Dix actually cared though, and Dino kidnapped her.

Issue C has Asperchu captured by a mysterious man by the name of Sinestro. He is shown to be the leader of a troll organization. He is also a direct employer of Lisa, John and Dino Dash. Through them he has acquired Asperchu's medallion, which he used in an experiment. The trolls then proceed to beat up Asperchu to drain his heart level. Asperchu is then rescued by Christian Weston Chandler. He later also meets up with Max, Jivin, Sonichu and Ian Brandon Anderson, who is also trying to save Asperchu (Though for vastly different reasons than the others). During a confrontation between CWC and Ian, time is stopped, and Sinestro appears to explain that he had been using Asperchu to create a series of copies of him, mostly through cloning. He then reveals that the theft of the medallion and the smashing of his heart level was to activate the thirteenth experiment, a robotic copy of him called Metal Asperchu. Metal saves CWC from being shot as proof of his powers, sets Ian on fire, and leaves to collect the seven Chaos Pickles. Asperchu and friends are teleported out of the castle by Sinestro so that he could avoid a fight. Asperchu then discovers that Jonas had already helped Dix escape the castle (Having earlier escaped captivity). To his dismay, however, she calls him a freak, and leaves with Jonas, who nails him in the crotch. Asperchu is left confused and saddened by these events.

In Issue 1 Asperchu meets with Sonichu for the first time since he and CWC set off to capture Ian. He is then introduced to the Chaotic Combo members- Punchy, Angelica, Bubbles, Wild and Magi-Chan who tell him that they will help him find Dix once they track down and defeat Metal Asperchu. Upon hearing that Magi-Chan has the power to track down where Metal is with his mind, Asperchu takes the opportunity to direct him to track down Dix, much to the annoyance of Wild. He then spends the rest of the time playing on the Xbox 360 waiting for Magi-Chan to find Dix, taking a short break in between to go with the Combo to Jivin's home and see if he and Max were alive or not. He eventually finds out from Magi-Chan that Jonas and Dix were having sex. He continues playing his 360.

Issue 2 opens with Asperchu being informed (Much to his annoyance since he was playing his 360 at the time) about the Chaotic Combo's funeral. He gets dressed up all fancy, intending to go to the funeral to find someone new, other than Dix, possibly because he has come to realize he may not be successful with her. He doesn't find anyone however, and so simply spends the funeral playing on his Xbox portable and sleeping. After the funeral he is confronted by his clone brother, Noir Chu. He at first mistakes him for Jivin, but after learning that he is his clone, decides to take it upon himself to train Noirchu as his little brother, an idea that Noirchu is not too enthusiastic about. Mitch then suggests that they take Noirchu to the Soup Hotel and help him discover himself by helping others. Asperchu of course comes along for the ride. However, at the Soup hotel he makes an enemy of the management when he pushes a homeless Rosechu off a stool and steals the Xbox, and later eats the food that they were serving to the Soup Hotel occupants. He then goes off complaining about the Soup Hotel throwing him out, and eventually finding a McDonalds. He then gets pissed at them too, because they wouldn't accept food stamps. Eventually, he went back home and cursed the Soup Hotel and the McDonald's, trying to imitate Christian's Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha. He then declares to them that GodJesus will take their souls unless they see the error of their ways. A short time after this, Metal Asperchu destroys the McDonald's and kills many people in it, whilst on an assassination mission from Bionic the Hedgehog. Whether this actually was caused by his Curse of whether it was entirely coincidental is debatable. Regardless, he takes it as a sign that GodJesus really is on his side, to the point of believing himself to be a prophet. Still no word from GodJesus on the legitimacy of these claims. After telling Max and Jivin all about this, they ask him whether or not the deaths of all those people is something he should be celebrating. He then takes this to mean that GodJesus would want him to be happy that the trolls would never threaten him again now, and he decides to be happy for the rest of the day.

In Issue 3, Asperchu helped in invading CWCVille, in an attempt to defeat Ian Brandon Anderson. He is paired with Magi-Chan as the group splits off. Through no fault of his own, Asperchu inadvertently gets Magi-Chan killed by Silvana, who then captures him and sends him to Ian. Ian then tries to torture Asperchu into confessing that he was really Mitch; Something that he could not do, because Asperchu is too HONEST, to tell a filthy lie such as that, even under torture. He is later freed, and spends a few moments to mock the downed Metal Asperchu, whom he himself heroically defeated. Before he can celebrate his victory, however, Metal Asperchu activates the Chaos Pickles and Asperchu is drawn into him. Then, in a flash of light, he is gone.

Asperchu is revealed to still be just fine in Issue 3D, as it is shown that he ended up in CWCVille, 1999. He is oblivious to this however, and merely concerned himself with finding a place to eat. Whilst doing so, he encounter the past version of Ian, who invited him over to his school for a Soul Calibur tournament. Here, he met up with Max and Jivin and they all watched Past Ian beat up Future Ian. Past then then kicked Asperchu and the others out so he could have sex with his girlfriend(s). Asperchu then had a chance encounter with pre-accident Bionic, but didn't care much, as he was busy on his Xbox Portable. He was convinced to come along with Bionic to witness him saving his father from Principal Blaziken, but when he did so, Asperchu was accidentally credited with Bionic's accomplishment. Asperchu didn't quite understand the situation, and so just went along with it. He was then invited to 14 Branchland Court whilst Max and Jivin were busy with Bionic. Here, he was tricked by Past into ejaculating into a cup and provide his Chu DNA, which, unbeknown to him, was the final ingredient he needed for his Special Fanta Brew to create Sonichu using unholy powers. Since Sonichu is the genesis of his species and Asperchu is technically a Sonichu, this means that Asperchu's current existence is the result of a stable time loop. After this, Asperchu crashed into slumber, but was awakened as the Past and Future Ians both battled, throwing Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Has at each other and accidentally crossing the streams, causing a stray beam to fly at Asperchu. Fortunately, he is saved by Bionic. The battle in question opens a rift in time and space and Asperchu, Jivin, Max and Ian are all sent through. They end up back at the battlefield of CWCVille, confronted by a new Super-Powered Metal Asperchu, and the Issue ends there.

Issue 4 opens with Asperchu awakening at his home, having been inexplicably transported there by some unknown power. Grandpa Alzheichu apparently doesn't know what happened. He is met by Max, who tells him that they should go to see Sonichu at the hospital and also mentions that he knows how Asperchu came to be back at his house. He doesn't tell him however, since Asperchu does not care. He then goes with him to the hospital where they meet up with Jivin and Sonichu. Here, he tells Sonichu about what happened with Ian in 1999. He then goes to the bathroom, noting that it was strange as it was not yet his usual time of day to go. He discovers why soon enough, as he shits out a mutant abomination created as a residual effect of Beel's magic after he also ingested some of Ian's special brew. He takes it out to Max and Jivin, and announces that he will name it Asperia. They do not react well. He later takes her home and stuffs her in the fridge, as he cannot take the constant crying, something that Max becomes very upset with him about. Since he cannot keep her in the fridge any longer, he decides instead to leave her with his Grandma Snorlax whilst he plays his Xbox Portable and watches Monty Python. He later went out to get some fast food, and met up once more with Ian, who didn't recognize him.

In Issue 5 however, Ian finally does get it right, and remembers that Asperchu helped in Sonichu's conception back in 1999. He then inquires about Asperia after Asperchu briefly mentions her. He fails to remember her appearance, and Ian then runs away. Asperchu then gets a call from Jivin, who asks him to come to CWCVille. There he meets Mayorshack Tito, the new ruler of CWCVille, who was working on cleaning the place up. Asperchu mistakes him for a black man. He then meets Christian Weston Chandler again, who tells him that he was called in to help out in restoring the town, whilst at the same time explaining the story behind the smoldering ruins of 4Cent Garbage Towers behind him, and the story behind Sonichu. When Sonichu finally does learn of his origins, he runs away to go punish Ian. Asperchu is left confused and is then asked to go and find Sonichu. Noirchu accompanies him, to make sure that he doesn't screw up. He also tries to explain to Asperchu why Sonichu is acting the way he is, but Asperchu doesn't care much. They then arrive at the house, just in time to stop Sonichu from murdering Ian, but it is too late for Asperia, who is accidentally shot in the confusion. Asperchu mourns for a moment, but is interrupted by the reappearance on the Yellow Devil. They are then captured and held in Bionic's Fortress, where Bionic accuses him of being a bad parent and takes Asperia's body away, for an unknown purpose. Asperchu is then held in place and made to watch Sonichu torturing Ian. After the torture is over, Asperchu is escorted out of the building by the Yellow Devil, and Noirchu gives him a moment to grieve over Asperia. By this time however, Asperchu had already forgotten, and instead asked if they could go to the pound to get a new Asperia. He is then teleported straight to CWCVille by the Zero Clone, Argentum, for reasons unknown. During Argentum's speech, Asperchu wonders whether or not it is a girl. He quickly becomes confused by the speech however, asking Sonichu what he was saying, but Sonichu only snapped at him. Eventually, Argentum teleports him and Sonichu away from the scene, and they are taken back in time to the events of Issue 2, when 4Cent Garbage was still intact.

Issue 5E opens with Asperchu questioning why Sonichu was now climbing the building screaming after Ian. He is then told that Sonichu believed Ian to be at the top, and that whether he was or not depended on Sonichu's heart level. After Sonichu kills Naitsirhc for getting in the way and breaks into the actual tower itself, Argentum then told Asperchu to observe how Sonichu was now committing the same crimes that Ian did, and tells him that HE must intervene, before launching him at high speed into the building. Once inside, Asperchu meets the Captain of the COProtectors, Marcus Bagget, who tries to help evacuate him. He questions after Sonichu, and Marcus prepares to interrogate him. Then, Sonichu appears and kills Bagget, also intending to kill Asperchu. Before he can, however, he is knocked out of the building by the Plautistic, and so Asperchu lives another day. He is also knocked out the building however, and Asperchu lands on the back of one of the Plautistic heads after Joshua Martinez appears and begins to fight Sonichu. In doing so, he unfortunatly loses his Xbox Portable, and so whips out his replacement Sega Game Gear, and starts playing NBA Jam. The crappy handheld device quickly loses power though, and Asperchu tries to ask Sonichu for some new batteries to replace the old ones. Sonichu, having just stolen a Goblin Glider from Jack Thaddeus, then crashes into the Plautistic body, aiming for Asperchu, who he launches into the building along with Joshua. After he murders Joshua at last, he then moves in on Asperchu again, but our hero is teleported to safety by Wes Iseli. We later find out that Asperchu was teleported onto the roof of the building, and that he had met Mary Lee Walsh, who gave him some replacement batteries.

Cameo in Simonchu
Asperchu also had a cameo role in Evan's Simonchu comic where he was interrogated at his home by Rorskitty, who believed him to be the thief of Simonchu's Legal Rights. During this sequence, Asperchu explains that he was originally a human with Aspergers who transformed when Sonichu brushed against his foot in a toilet and somehow mutated him. (Presumably something similar happened to his grandparents). Since no other conflicting origin story is given in the Asperchu comics, the exact canonicity of this story is down to the reader.

Powers
Asperchu has a number of special powers. Despite not having any Electric-type powers, his Aspergers-type attacks do double damage on Autistic-type Pokémon. He originally owned an Asperchu Medallion which gave him Anshuent powers. It gives him the ability to use the Asper-Ha-Me-Ha. However we later learn that he can use this power without the medallion when he is in extreme danger. We have also seen him use a variation of this power called the Jee-Sus-Ha-Me-Ha, but this was powered by a Christian Cross rather than a medallion. This is the most mysterious of his powers so far. If its anything like his own Me-Ha attack then it should work in the same manner; Only usable when in danger but he can use it all the time with the power of a medallion (Or in this case a cross). However, there is also the possibility that this is only usable via a cross. Which implies that John had this same power all along, only he refused to use it. The medallion is implied to also be the source of his gaming skills, because he remarks at one point that he was all off without it. Like all other Sonichus, he also runs particularly fast. His latest trick however, is that much like Ian Brandon Anderson, He is shown to be capable of imitating Christian Weston Chandler's signature move; The Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha. There is however, some debate over whether or not he actually used it successfully.

Friends and Family
Asperchu lives with his Grandpa Alzheichu and Grandma Snorlax. He has his own room and everything.

Little is known about Asperchu's mysterious father, Alec Benson Leary. All that is currently known is that he left Asperchu in the care of his grandparents six years ago when he went to get a case of beer. Asperchu still awaits his return.

Asperchu's best friend and joy-boy is Sonichu who he loves like a brother. Asperchu is also friends with Jivin and Max. He also has a number of casual friends such as Calvin, the Chaotic Combo and to an extent, Mitch-Chu before he was thrown out of the soup hotel.

In Issue 4, Asperchu finally achieved his dream of having a lovely daughter- sort of. While the creature's name is Asperia, it is a one-eyed, legless abomination of unknown gender- and it just got killed.

Enemies
There are many people who are jealous of Asperchu. Those dang dirty trolls don't deserve a page in a wiki, but they get one anyways. Asperchu's first enemy was former gal-pal Lisa, who crushed his heart and tried to steal his medallion. Then Asperchu met the messed up duo of John and Kendra, who worshiped God wrong. After that, Asperchu was cheated out of a Guitar Hero contest by the unscrupulous and ugly Jonaschu. Who Asperchu beat fair and square. Asperchu then met the fearsome Dino Dash who stole Asperchu's sweetheart Dixie and flew away on his jetpack! His next enemy was the leader of all the trolls he encountered prior to this; Sinestro, who was responsible for his earlier beating. He was also the creator of his next enemy; Metal Asperchu, who was a mass murdering psychopath. He was also (sorta) enemies with Ian Brandon Anderson, but the two never had a direct confrontation, aside from Asperchu being one of four people he intended to shoot. This changed in Issue 3 though, in which Ian tried to torture him, thus cementing his status as one of Asperchu's enemies.